me against the bar.

Posted: September 30, 2011 in Crossfit, Relationships
Tags: , , , , , , ,

there wasn’t even a “3, 2, 1, GO!” blast off from my coach before he hit the timer, and, BAM! the WOD* was set in full motion. my body moving without even thinking where to go. i just tap into the muscle memory and the confidence that it will perform and move the way i want it to. placing my hands in the wide-hook grip position on the chalked up barbell in order to throw up some power snatches followed by burpees.
here is how the WOD* went down:
5 rounds
3 minutes of:
3 power snatch 45#
5 burpees RX = full pushup position
1 minute rest
Total reps each round: 43, 40, 38, 34, 40

this was 15 minutes of work and it took me over five hours to recover. you might be asking yourself, “why do you put yourself through this torture?” well, because i can and i love it and at this moment in my life, it is all that i have to get me through the pain that my heart feels with every breath.
when my heart is broken. the barbell is what heals me the most.

i tossed and turned all night in anticipation for this WOD. this is common with Crossfitters. we look at our gym’s blog the night before and see what has been posted. there are times when i dread the workout (and that is when i know i need it the most.) and then there are days when i can’t wait to turn those written words into a reality. to face my demons and go to that place in my mind where nothing else exist in the world but that moment.
the moment where it is just me against the bar.

this morning, i walked in with the intention of giving it my all and reaching past the pain, past the heartache, and past the gasping for breath to get one more repetition.
just. one. more.
in those minutes that passed, i couldn’t think straight but knew i was working through my shit. by the last round i was sputtering to myself, “you can do it. just do it.”
tap and go. tap and go. tap and go.
then i start to see black as i fly down to a pushup; jump up and clap. and do four more reps just before my coach yells time.
wasted, i roll over into child’s pose to let the tears flow and release all that i had built up over those minutes, hours, days, weeks and months leading up to this moment.
why do i do crossfit? because i know that what the universe has provided to me with over the course of my life has a constant flow of transition and i need to be prepared and open to the experience and all the magnificent unfolding. and, just like crossfit, my current life path has been “constantly varied”. there are many mornings when i don’t even want to face the day, let alone the WOD on our blog. but, i have no choice because the LOVE in me always over shadows the FEAR in me that i am constantly in battle against.

sure, this morning it was me against the bar. but tomorrow….who knows what will be thrown in the puma’s den. let’s just hope it’s only raw Chocoatl!

what do you do to bring yourself to your knees and surrender to the ways of the universe?


and to end on more of a lighter note: while i was doing my mobility after class, i remembered an old-skool Britney Spears song, “Me Against the Music” and then thought of the GLEE episode in which two of the somewhat closeted-lesbians recreated the video. if only that would have happened after i finally “came to” from my workout! 😉

  1. Love the blog, Heidi! Love your passion – let it fly!

  2. stirman says:

    Damn girl, I got tired just reading about your WOD (and remembering how bad that one hurt!)

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