tarantula. beetle. hawk.

Posted: October 15, 2011 in Relationships
Tags: , , , , , , ,

i have often been told by people that i “wear my heart on my sleeve”; as if this were a negative quality to possess. however, i think myself wise to be so transparent with my feelings and emotions. are we not humans who have been given the ability to verbally express our truest selves to one another in hopes we will gain friendship, commitment, trust, compassion, support and love? or even heartache, loss, disappointment, hopelessness, loneliness and pain?

but, i don’t just wear my heart on my sleeve. i wear it all over my body. and not just my heart but my whole personality; who i am and the woman that i am growing into each day. this post is just that. my sleeves have been slashed and my heart has opened.

a little over six weeks ago, i was on a hike in the hills of Orange County, California with my then-girlfriend and her part honey-badger/monster-mutt. it was about an hour before sunset and we had escaped the cookie cutter houses strategically placed around a man-made lake, to soak up the last of the summer’s fresh air as it set over this beautiful region of Southern California. during that week long visit, there had been a great deal of tension between us and we (or maybe just me) were trying to salvage whatever was left of the love and friendship that had formed between us over the tumultuous past twelve months. and then came the signs.

first, i spotted a tarantula. then a beetle. while my girlfriend’s eyes were in the sky, she heard the cry and caught the flight of a hawk. no less than ten minutes later, we experienced the exact same three species in the exact same order! these were surely signs of nature that was speaking to our hearts.

symbolism of the creatures:

tarantula  maintains a balance from past to present and helps to awaken creativity and inspiration. she aids in understanding illusion and reality as well as spiritual and physical balancing. she will also aid in oral and written communication. when you encounter a tarantula, be aware and move with strength and confidence.

beetles aid in transformation, metamorphosis, resurrection and rebirth – rebirth of the soul to a new spiritual ideal and renewed devotion. they teach harmony in the coming changes by utilizing your intuitive abilities and teaches discernment where you need it the most. beetles teach persistence. therefore, trusting in the process will allow the regeneration of your spirit to prosper.

hawk teaches visionary power and clear sight with strong observation habits while using patience. he is a sign showing how to ride the winds of change, creativity and the power to surrender oneself to Spirit’s guidance. the hawk clarifies reality and reiterates that one is on the correct life path. be ready for a greater intensity to life for hawk will guide you in the mind, body and spiritual aspects of your journey.

after my journey back up north, i researched the meaning of these creatures and i began to see a clearer picture of my life and what was rapidly tearing at the seams: the ‘life’ that i thought i was living and moving into had suddenly changed course. instead of being in a place of partnership, connection and love, it had transitioned into pain, heartache and loss. my soul was in the middle of the road and digging deep inside was not giving me the answers. i needed to be guided and held and to trust that the universe would provide shelter when i could barely provide love to myself.

what did i learn from the signs of the tarantula, beetle and hawk?

tarantula encouraged me to explore my creativity by starting this blog. cracking open my heart like the shell of the beetle, i believed that i could trust someone again with my love. with the sweep of the hawk, flying fast into my body, i woke up to the voice of my intuition that had been softly speaking louder and louder over the last few weeks of our fading relationship. she helped me see that this was time for a separate transformation for the both of us. i decided to take that flight and trust that this was only the beginning of another amazing journey ahead.

now in the present moment: i was no longer in the arms of a lover but back in my own arms, for i am my own true lover. i will never let myself down because that would be the end. and when i have moments where i don’t want to emotionally exist in the world because the heartache is too unbearable, i just take a deep breath, whisper “i love you” to myself and i am immediately calmed by my own pride and joy from within.

you cannot ask of others what they cannot fully give you. you may be in a moment of passionate love and longing for connection but not really understanding what it is you want, need or can give. as harsh as that can feel, you must look inside and answer those questions. the communication that we have with ourselves is crucial to emotional and spiritual development. the love and passion and trust that we grow from inside us is what will lead us in the right direction.

i wake up each day knowing that i am here for a reason: to LOVE. to love unconditionally. passionately. immensely. throwing my whole soul and body into the expanding changes of the wind and riding on and just letting go. the universe is here to teach us but we must be open to listen and feel the changes. and when faced with those changes, you have the power to choose to LOVE or to be in FEAR.

“unless i love something completely, it will not reveal itself to me.” -rudolph steiner

i love completely. with my eyes wide open and my heart set free. my faith is strong, my trust is being regained and i am riding high on the waves of transformation. and i always tell myself that the best way to get over a broken heart is to just keep on loving.

if you feel open to sharing your thoughts on how you have overcome a difficult and transformational time in your life, please post below or message me privately. i am in much gratitude for the universal love that surrounds me during this period of my life.


  1. Love ❤ says:

    LOVE LOVE LOVE ❤ sooo incredibly BEautiful, dear Love, and such wonderful expression!!! I Love you, dear cosmic soul sister!!! :)))

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s