the loudest cheer.

Posted: November 4, 2012 in Crossfit, Growth, Relationships, Uncategorized, writing

the loudest cheers came from the sidelines this year and i was a part of it for the first time. i never realized how much the spectators at the annual TJs Games put into their efforts to cheer on their fellow teammates until i was on the other side. it was an equally amazing experience just as participating in the games always is for me.

but, to be honest, i was absolutely devastated when i realized that i would have to drop out of the games this year. it’s not like i was out to win a prize full of gold or a year supply of protein powder but, i still wanted the thrill and excitement that comes along with that day. i had been waiting for months to spend all day with my “crossfit family”.
with my friends and community.
to push through those crazy WODs and to go to the places that scare you the most and come out a winner in the end.
but. it was not my story to tell this year.

two weeks leading up to the games, the nerves in my neck started to lock up again. i keep thinking that if i rested a week before the competition, i would be ok. then, a few days before game time, i had a visit with my doctor, “the thumb”, and he basically said to not lift anything heavy over my head. my heart sunk deep down in my gut and i began to battle with the forces of my ego and she was coming on strong!

i went back and fourth with the pros and cons of competing. i sought advice from two good friends (Sunya & Jamie) and i looked back on my past experience of pushing through an injury, and decided it was best to drop out of the competition two days before game time. instead, i stood on the sidelines and cheered for my amazing teammates of TJs Gym!! i am so honored to know all of those women and men who competed and gave it their all with grace, dignity and excitement!

i also want to give a special shout out to my girl Tia who originally signed up because i talked her into it (so she says although i feel it was more of a nudge.) Tia has really taught me a lot over the past couple months and i am so proud she put it all out there and the glow on her face when the competition was over was worth everything!!
i admit that it was hard to watch but after awhile i felt a deep appreciation for the lesson that i am getting out of this event. on top of my physical pain that stems from my right-side neck down the right-side of my back, i have been dealing with intense illness and a major hormonal imbalance in my body. it’s not exactly the wake-up call i wanted but it is what i am getting. so, i know that i have to make serious changes and to find new ways of healing my body outside of physical activity. anyone who knows me, will understand how difficult this is for me to do! and, while i get frustrated with myself at least ten times a day, i know that it will not be like this forever and it is simply a small chapter in the book of my life. i am taking on the changes beginning today and plan to keep track of them all and share what i come up with so that others will find their healing process easier and comforting to know they are not alone.

to everyone that is feeling something. anything. physical pain. emotional pain. spiritual pain. or a combination of them all. i want you to know that on my in breath, i take in your pain, and on my out breath, i blow healing love, compassion and kindness into your heart. (this is called the practice of Tonglen in the teachings of Buddhism.) stay strong and learn from your discomforts and keep breathing into them!


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