Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

greetings!

last week, i posted this on my facebook page as my status message:

i am so IN LOVE with my life! = the magical space that i carry with me everyday. this feeling is always within us but we must also go through the discomfort, pain and lows in order to fully appreciate the beautifulness of each present moment!! i want to offer space to anyone today to reach out to me if you need some support, love and encouragement in your LIFE. you are and EPIC BE-ing of light, spirit and beauty and deserve to be shown that each day through your own eyes i am in deep gratitude for all that has brought me to this level of consciousness and oneness with my warrior Goddess and Spirit within. ❤ in maitri.

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these feelings have been building up ever since i returned from the Buckeye Gathering. (which i still have to share about on a post!) each morning, around 6:30 am, i prepare a cup of half-caf french pressed coffee (i am on the path to eliminate caffeine from my system after my juice fast showed me how much i depend on so little of it.) and i sit on my balcony to write. i am joined by the morning birds, 4 redwood trees, the sweet smell of dawn breaking into the new day and sometimes the neighborhood cats prowling about below. for the past 5 months, i have been writing down 3 things i am grateful for each day along with my daily intention. then, i just allow my mind to wonder and words to flow out of my pen to paper.

the amount of gratefulness that has opened up inside of me is directly related to this simple exercise. when i first started it, sometimes it was hard to find three things to be grateful for. my heart and soul was still in a painful place and not much brought me joy. but, as time went on, more and more came to life and i became grateful for the smallest moments along with the biggest accomplishments. if i have been able to reach this depth of gratefulness, you can too!

these are my thoughts from the other morning when i was thinking about how humans pass judgement on others. (note: the below excerpt is exactly how it appeared when i wrote it the first time. some run on sentences but that is the point of a streaming verse of subconscious thoughts in action! 🙂

stream of my unconscious thoughts.

the beauty and essence of my being is LOVE.
i am Love and i choose to be Love over fear each day.
i am not what society defines me as.
i am not my name. i am not my race, ethnicity, gender or sexuality.
i am not my diet, my clothes, my dreadlocks, tattoos and piercings.
i am not my words. my voice. my silence.
i am not my actions, thoughts and ideas.
i am simply a Divine Warrior Goddess of LOVE.
we all are love, no matter where we came from in this lifetime (or others.)
my Spirit transforms into my thoughts and i choose to act on them each day.
the energy from thoughts is what brings fourth all that encompasses every cell in my being.
i used to spend many moments living in fear and now i know that i can choose instead to live my thoughts, actions and words in LOVE. i strive to this higher being each day. it is my overriding intention for my life in this body, this soul, who is known as Heidi ‘chocolate puma’ George.
i am merely a vessel for something deeper than i can even comprehend.
i pray each day that others find this level of freedom within their own heart and soul.
my role is to be of service to others and channel the strength and power of my Divine Warrior Goddess to be the LOVE that we all so deeply desire and deserve to attain from others and most importantly from ourselves.

Aho!

phoxvnmto

mid-hike break to enjoy the beautiful view and warm sun! 🙂
deer park, fairfax, ca

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we all experience heartbreak at some point in our lives.
that moment in time when we feel like we are the ONLY person in the entire universe that is going through the pain of separation, heartache, abandonment, disconnect and sadness. it can be from many different forms of a relationship. from losing a loved one or cherished pet; a friendship that dissolves or the loss of an intimate partner relationship. these experiences all hurt in different ways and bring a new level of challenges to overcome and get through.

lyrics from “Raise Hell” by Brandi Carlile

i am currently in the process of healing a broken heart for the loss of my lover and best friend. while i experience days when i feel like i will never get past these feelings, i remind myself that there is a chance in every moment to shift your perspective and remind yourself of your own power and love. so, i made a list for myself on how to heal a broken heart. perhaps one of these ideas will help you through a rough spot and to see the light that shines within you!

1. raw cacao. allow yourself to eat as much raw chocolate as you desire. any time. any where. and enjoy every bite of it!
2. dance in your bedroom. alone.  dance to the Spice Girls or any nostalgic childhood music that brings you happiness and joy! jump up and down, sing, stretch and have fun with the beat of the songs. Zigazig ah!

3. create. i started to paint and draw with oil pastels again. (picture above) to release my feelings that i was unable to find words for. this has been very therapeutic and enjoyable.
4. explore. spending time in nature can be extremely healing. step outside, breath, and take it all in. i am grateful to watch the fawn and young bucks play in the hills across my house; picking fresh blackberries and figs on my daily walks and sitting in our garden!

this little caterpillar was just chillin on some cilantro in our garden!

5. take yourself on a date! each week i pick an activity to treat myself to, from a movie, concert, a talk or special dinner. it gives me a chance to appreciate myself and that i deserve the very best!

6. cheesy love songs. you know all those annoying love songs you hear on the radio? well, next time, sing them to YOURSELF! after doing this for a while, you will begin to smile and laugh and remember that you are your number one lover in life!

7. socialization of creation. join a group or activity that involves something completely new for you! i recently started to learn tracking skills! i am part of the Catscapes series in Marin that tracks pumas and bob cats and will also take a course on tracking other wild animals in the area this fall!


8. lift heavy things! or just move around and be active. i have continued with my strength training and crossfit and know that it helps in the healing process as well plus i am surrounded by an amazing community that supports me outside the box.

9. read. travel away and get lost in a book! it is a great way to relax and take your mind off of your current situation or feelings for a while. stimulates your brain and creative process as well!

10. mediate. most importantly, sit with your thoughts and feelings. even if it is for only five minutes. our busy life can push what we are really feeling or transfer it through stress, bad diet, anger, frustration and numbness. and it is ok to feel these things but from the teachings of Pema Chodron, learn to be in it and to feel it all. the only way to get through hard times is to lean into them. be with them in each moment.

to any of you who are reading, for whatever broken heart you may be suffering from, remember that it will get better. take each day at a time. reach out to family and friends for support. stay busy with healthy activities and always find quiet time to be with your feelings and thoughts. i look back at my first remembrance of a broke heart and thought i would never move on, but here i am. again. and i know that life has crazy twists and turns for a reason. there is something more amazing out there just waiting to be discovered, if you continue to stay open and just take a leap…!

one-thousand one, one-thousand two, one thousand three – zero – one-thousand one – zero.

this count is rolling through my mind. seconds to remember on top of reps to perform. the numbers blur together. but, i keep the pace slow and steady. be patient and just breathe. muscles are stretching beneath my skin and growing; forming new cells and memory to help me perform better on the next set. i keep a continued pace of motion that will lead to a stronger body of performance. you will see the muscles have grown over my arms, my legs, my chest and back. but, what about the muscle that we hold inside of us? the muscle that not only pumps blood and life force through our body but is the very essence of our love, compassion, caring, and commitment to ourselves and others?

a close friend of mine has finally given crossfit a “3, 2, 1, GO!” in her life after listening to me express my love for it over the past year of our relationship. it feels good to know that i finally converted someone to our incredible community that is not just about throwing heavy weight around but is also the foundation of building strong friendships with the members of your box. during a recent conversation between us, i was explaining to her that part of my strength training consists of “negatives” in relation to lifting weights. practicing a “negative count” or “eccentric muscle action” can produce the most force-output and is one of the most effective ways to muscle growth. after hearing this, she made the connection that what eccentric muscle action does to our muscular body, it is also the same action that our heart goes through when working through personal growth.

i inhaled. and felt the flow and connection of these movements intertwine. she left me in contemplation. the pace at which we move through an event is always changing but sometimes our heart muscles need to grow slowly. just like with the lifting and lowering of weights, i imagine the heart muscles opening and closing through contractions that allow the pain to unfold to let the oxygen of the healing give way to a release. and it opens; ignited with a flicker of light that signifies you are ready to move on. i began to challenge my own thoughts and feelings concerning this correlation and put it into a “positive action” regarding my relationships with my parents, roommates, friends, lovers, teammates and with my goals as an athlete.

i asked myself three questions to continue to move through this process of growth within my heart & at the box:

1. what has changed between you and the person you are growing with or away from?
2. do you know how to tap into your core strength and keep that locked in when faced with difficult circumstances or changes in your life?
3. are you a better human being with that person/event/job/activity in your life?

take a rest. no. actually, take a breath and step away from the world and ask yourself how these questions relate to your personal relationships. to your career. to your family. to your partner. to your teammates and your own goals associated to your workouts.
to YOU. the relationship with YOURSELF.

the negative count of our growth can transform into something incredibly positive, if that is what our truest power desires.
i choose to be in my power. what about you?

while swimming through the tangled seaweed and under the sand waves of storms, the light glitters down and for a brief moment, i can catch my breath and know that i am alive for another day.

it had been almost two months since my feet felt the sting of the cold pacific ocean. i was scared to return to the salt, the sand and the expansion of the waters. they have always brought my senses to a place of peace and joy. but, before this return, i felt numb and scared to be surrounded in their power. my heart was broken and the last shared space with another was when i had felt an immense love that reached beyond the end of the sea; past the sunset and into the universe of light.

so, i took the plunge and dove into the arms of the ocean.

refreshed and renewed. i was reminded of the happiness i have always captured from inside and that i share with myself. i suddenly felt the tears that were falling down my face, evaporate, and i lifted my hands to the sky and began to laugh in the glory of the sun. this life is beautiful and i am living it in every moment!

when was the last time you were brought back to the present and reminded of the beauty that is constantly falling on you each day?

(these pictures were taken at stinson beach, california during a beautiful sunset and sunrise (last picture). the words that created this post were greatly influenced by the new Florence + the Machine album, which has become the soundtrack to my life in this present moment.)

i have often been told by people that i “wear my heart on my sleeve”; as if this were a negative quality to possess. however, i think myself wise to be so transparent with my feelings and emotions. are we not humans who have been given the ability to verbally express our truest selves to one another in hopes we will gain friendship, commitment, trust, compassion, support and love? or even heartache, loss, disappointment, hopelessness, loneliness and pain?

but, i don’t just wear my heart on my sleeve. i wear it all over my body. and not just my heart but my whole personality; who i am and the woman that i am growing into each day. this post is just that. my sleeves have been slashed and my heart has opened.

a little over six weeks ago, i was on a hike in the hills of Orange County, California with my then-girlfriend and her part honey-badger/monster-mutt. it was about an hour before sunset and we had escaped the cookie cutter houses strategically placed around a man-made lake, to soak up the last of the summer’s fresh air as it set over this beautiful region of Southern California. during that week long visit, there had been a great deal of tension between us and we (or maybe just me) were trying to salvage whatever was left of the love and friendship that had formed between us over the tumultuous past twelve months. and then came the signs.

first, i spotted a tarantula. then a beetle. while my girlfriend’s eyes were in the sky, she heard the cry and caught the flight of a hawk. no less than ten minutes later, we experienced the exact same three species in the exact same order! these were surely signs of nature that was speaking to our hearts.

symbolism of the creatures:

tarantula  maintains a balance from past to present and helps to awaken creativity and inspiration. she aids in understanding illusion and reality as well as spiritual and physical balancing. she will also aid in oral and written communication. when you encounter a tarantula, be aware and move with strength and confidence.

beetles aid in transformation, metamorphosis, resurrection and rebirth – rebirth of the soul to a new spiritual ideal and renewed devotion. they teach harmony in the coming changes by utilizing your intuitive abilities and teaches discernment where you need it the most. beetles teach persistence. therefore, trusting in the process will allow the regeneration of your spirit to prosper.

hawk teaches visionary power and clear sight with strong observation habits while using patience. he is a sign showing how to ride the winds of change, creativity and the power to surrender oneself to Spirit’s guidance. the hawk clarifies reality and reiterates that one is on the correct life path. be ready for a greater intensity to life for hawk will guide you in the mind, body and spiritual aspects of your journey.

after my journey back up north, i researched the meaning of these creatures and i began to see a clearer picture of my life and what was rapidly tearing at the seams: the ‘life’ that i thought i was living and moving into had suddenly changed course. instead of being in a place of partnership, connection and love, it had transitioned into pain, heartache and loss. my soul was in the middle of the road and digging deep inside was not giving me the answers. i needed to be guided and held and to trust that the universe would provide shelter when i could barely provide love to myself.

what did i learn from the signs of the tarantula, beetle and hawk?

tarantula encouraged me to explore my creativity by starting this blog. cracking open my heart like the shell of the beetle, i believed that i could trust someone again with my love. with the sweep of the hawk, flying fast into my body, i woke up to the voice of my intuition that had been softly speaking louder and louder over the last few weeks of our fading relationship. she helped me see that this was time for a separate transformation for the both of us. i decided to take that flight and trust that this was only the beginning of another amazing journey ahead.

now in the present moment: i was no longer in the arms of a lover but back in my own arms, for i am my own true lover. i will never let myself down because that would be the end. and when i have moments where i don’t want to emotionally exist in the world because the heartache is too unbearable, i just take a deep breath, whisper “i love you” to myself and i am immediately calmed by my own pride and joy from within.

you cannot ask of others what they cannot fully give you. you may be in a moment of passionate love and longing for connection but not really understanding what it is you want, need or can give. as harsh as that can feel, you must look inside and answer those questions. the communication that we have with ourselves is crucial to emotional and spiritual development. the love and passion and trust that we grow from inside us is what will lead us in the right direction.

i wake up each day knowing that i am here for a reason: to LOVE. to love unconditionally. passionately. immensely. throwing my whole soul and body into the expanding changes of the wind and riding on and just letting go. the universe is here to teach us but we must be open to listen and feel the changes. and when faced with those changes, you have the power to choose to LOVE or to be in FEAR.

“unless i love something completely, it will not reveal itself to me.” -rudolph steiner

i love completely. with my eyes wide open and my heart set free. my faith is strong, my trust is being regained and i am riding high on the waves of transformation. and i always tell myself that the best way to get over a broken heart is to just keep on loving.

if you feel open to sharing your thoughts on how you have overcome a difficult and transformational time in your life, please post below or message me privately. i am in much gratitude for the universal love that surrounds me during this period of my life.

namaste.